I remember vividly one of the first sessions with my therapist when she asked me, “When you picture yourself happy, what are you doing.” I couldn’t answer that question because what I thought made me happy just wasn’t cutting it for me anymore. Other than selling everything I owned and taking off for adventures unknown, I could not think of one thing to answer her question. The more sessions I had over the coming months the more calmer she helped me feel so that I could pinpoint what it was that I truly wanted. At the centre of everything was the need to live a slower life. A life where I could remove all the unwanted distractions, noise and stimulus of society and find a place where I could build for myself a simpler, old fashioned, peaceful existence.
I told her of my long held dream of moving to the country, having chickens, growing vegetables and being more self reliant but that I could not do that at this point in my life. It needs to be something both Andrew and I want and at this stage it is just not the right thing for us to do. So I’ve had the belief that if I can’t do this, then there is no point dreaming of what I can’t have. But she has helped me see that I was so terribly wrong in having that mentality.
Building a life that feels more meaningful and content is not connected to my locality but to my attitude. So what can I do to bring the aspects of my dream to my current life. Insert light bulb moment and angel choir here. I can’t believe how much a simple course alteration can affect my whole outlook.
I love my home and the location I live in but I was tying my idea of what a simple life is to a life in the country thinking they went hand in hand. But in fact, I can start where I am. I would still love to move to the country one day but what skills can I learn now that I can use immediately and into the future. I don’t need fresh clean air to get my granny skills going. I can grow vegetables now, I can bake bread, I can make stuff, I can learn new things. I don’t have the space I would have on acreage but I can at least get started and get the experience I would need. No chickens though sadly. But one day…..sigh.
So that’s where I’m at. Full of possibility, full of joy and full of contentment knowing I’m taking the steps needed to find my happy.